There are some problems and I feel helpless.
My mum started the conversation asking how I was, as always. But I knew she wasn't asking me, she wanted me to ask her, 'Are you okay?'.
She is very upset. She has been for quite some time... as long as I can remember.
She is carrying, carrying let downs, hatred, jealousy that hurt her and her wound is eating her sanity.
Since the downfalls of my parents business, my mum suffered badly from, what I recognise as depression.
Telling herself little lies that once the financial issues are solved, everything will be just fine,
she looks away. She locks herself away and wonders if it will disappear.
Then she tells me, life sometimes is just little too much to bear.
She is in dark.
I tell her. I whisper quietly hoping she will hear my crushed heart beat in pain.
Wanting her to get better and wishing my mum every happiness, I tell her... to speak, forgive and forget. And... to look up... high above the sky to find the light.
Somewhere and someday she will find her old self, I hope.
I pray for her lost crying soul to get better.
Because... she is my mother.
Sweet soy marinade beef ribs with lightly grilled and pickled asparagus
for meat marinade
450g beef ribs (thinly cut ribs, you may find this in freezer section in oriental food store)
2 garlic cloves
5tbsp soy sauce
2tbsp mirin (cooking sake)
2tbsp dark sugar
1tbsp corn syrup
handful of radish, thinly sliced
2tbsp cider vinegar
pinch of salt
This meat marinade works very well with most cuts and types of meat (I haven't tried it on lamb though), so you don't need to be restricted to beef ribs.
You can source corn syrup from good oriental food store. This adds little sweetness and gives nice gloss to the meat. If you can't get them, you can omit them or use agave nectar.
Whizz up all marinade ingredients with hand blender or food processor. Score the meat so it can allow the flavour to penetrate and mix them well in the marinade. Leave them to flavour as long as you can.
Do this the day before, your meat will be amazing. If you haven't got time, at least an hour will do the job.
Meanwhile, get your griddle pan really hot and chargrill your asparagus in whole.
When they are cooked, cut them however you like and put them into the bowl with all the other ingredients. Mix them well and leave them for at least 30mins. This will pickle them very lightly and compliment barbecued/grilled meat beautifully adding fresh bites to the dish.
When they are good to go, you can barbecue, grill or griddle the meat, however you fancy.
I like to griddle mine if I can't barbecue.
Serve them immediately.
Nice cold beer would be a welcome addition too.
Peaceful mind and the strength of inner belief... I am thinking of you.